I got to see my a** today. You know what I mean... It's in pretty good shape for being 38 yrs old and having 3 kids. Most of the time it serves me well. However, I saw the ugly side of it today. This is what happened...It all started by not eating my usual breakfast... I fell into some ego despair. Starting to feel victimized, blaming others, feeling lack, feeling like I had to make something happen in order for things to turn out how my ego pictured it. My plans were not going according to plan. So, once again, I'm shown how much food does matter in our soul's journey! Once again, I'm shown how much positive thinking matters. And, I'm reminded that the only plan is God's plan... surrender is the best plan.
The thoughts and feelings may be truth, however because I was in ego mode, I responded from a place of fear instead of balance and clarity. I believe I was shown some truth in the situation, but then took off on an ego-based tantrum. It totally got blown out of proportion.
First it started with my husband (blah, blah, blah...) and filtered down to my oldest son. They both got an earful. We went to church and it continued with my youngest son (my middle son has enough sense to keep quiet and out of the way). The little one was a real piece of work. But, I should say, he just reflected in me what I was projecting. I gave him a spank in the pew at church. Not enough to hurt, but enough to show my ass. He responded appropriately by crying and yelling. Thank you for the blessing of showing me my ass once again! I had to leave with him. He continued the tirade. Got lots of looks from people... ok, starting to feel embarrassed. Then I thought - screw it! This is it, life is perfect in its imperfection. So what, my kid's screaming, I didn't eat my breakfast, we're at church 'trying' to be holy. Guess what, God was laughing His ass off at me! I had to start laughing.
Maybe I was taking myself a little too seriously. Maybe - Ha! Definitely. I told my kid - get over it. He did as soon as I did. Thank you little person for being so connected to God that you can show me the truth in myself.
Guess what? I got back on the horse. I connected back to Source. The Universal flow of love became uninterrupted! Amen! I could feel God again. Man, I was affirming my ass off - I love myself, I approve of myself, etc...
See what I mean about seeing my a**? The world saw it too and whatever they thought or didn't think, is irrelevant. I'm happy to serve the Lord today to show others and MYSELF the totality of who I am. And I accept it ALL lovingly and allow myself to love myself anyway!
Can it be that simple? Choosing to react to our feelings, our inner knowings from a place of acceptance, love and detachment or choosing to react from a place of fear. Can it be as simple as eating breakfast? Yes it can!
We can manifest light or dark. Giving into the dark is giving into old ego patterns that are blocks to moving forward in our evolution and allowing our vibration to rise. Thank you for the opportunity to see my feelings and knowings from the place of ego and fear. And thank you for the opportunity to choose to see them from a place of light. I choose to see from a place of light. I choose to be guided by my soul to see the truth of what is shown from a place of light and love. It's not about me, it's about what I can do to serve the Lord.
Attachment is ego. Seeing it for what it is and loving it anyway, that is soul - God.
All of this from skipping breakfast... Do you see a correlation between attitude, events and what you eat? I do! Some events were caused by lack of breakfast, some were just on my path this morning and how I chose to react to them was from a place of fear initially and then turned to a place of love.
Does fear motivate me? It used to. Is this bad - nope. Does it motivate me now? Yes, sometimes - and I'm still figuring it out. Sometimes what I fear is something I just need to get over myself about. Sometimes it shows me what is not on my path. Or it shows me the truth of the situation and I need to decide how I want to proceed. I can choose to manifest what I don't want, or say thank you for showing me what I don't want, now I choose the opposite. I choose what I do want.
My affirmation today is - I choose to be guided by my soul for the best and highest good. I choose to be the co-creator of my life with God for the best and highest good. Here is the prayer I'm guided to share:
"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference."
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