Today I prayed. This is the dialog.me: God, help me be who you want me to be and do what you want me to do.
Him: That is surrender my dear.
me: Really, that is what I prayed all those many months ago that started this journey.
Him: I know.
The conversation quieted for a bit until we were in the car running errands. And then Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel came on the radio.
Him: "Son," he said "Grab your things, I've come to take you home."
Him: "Hey" he said "Grab your things I've come to take you home."
me: "Hey" I said "You can keep my things, they've come to take me home."
That's surrender. He calls, all the time. He calls to surrender everything, all of me, all of you, to Him.
me: Pretty scary.
Him: I know. But trust me, it's better this way. I have so much for you if you would let go.
Just surrender to my plan for you.
me: What is it?
Silence.
intellect: Follow the good feeling and you'll know.
Him: Release yourself to me.
intellect: Aren't I to be clear and focused in order to create or achieve a goal? How else will I be successful.
Him: Be clear in your surrender and all goals are achieved before you know it. Your desires are answered before they are asked. We've been through this before, do we really have to do it again?
Thy Will be done. We pray this constantly, and I understand now what it means. It means I give my all to Him. I surrender to His Will. I trust it is the best choice forever. This is what sacred means. This is consecration. To surrender completely to the Will of God means to be consecrated and made sacred.
me: That's for nuns and priests. I'm a mother and wife. How do I do this? It seems too difficult. I'm afraid. Afraid of failure, afraid of letting others down, afraid of the unknown...
Him: That's part of the challenge this time around. More distractions, more responsibility, more joy and experience. Can you surrender to Me although you are not in a convent praying in silence? Can you surrender to me amidst the noise and chaos? I am there in the silence and the chaos.
me: I want to. Please help me. Correct my thinking. Lead and guide me. Show me the way.
Him: Come to me child, come to me.
me: I'm not content. There are things I want to do. What about good sense?
Him: I am good sense. Do not be content. Always question. Use the brain I gave you. Use the intellect I gave you. You are here for the joy. Put yourself in me. I want you.
me: Can I do this? Can I handle all that you send me?
Him: You now know what is yours and what is someone else's. You know what I ask of you. Do only what I ask. Surrender to me and no one else.
intellect: That feeling inside tells you if you are coping out or if it God. Be aware of that feeling. Do not ask others, ask yourself. Ask God. As Mary did - ponder these things in your heart.
The dialog continues.
Peace.
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