Eat Real: Cascade of Chocolate Chips

I've been partaking of chocolate chips.  Not just a few here and there, but a few here, here and here and there, there and there... and there.  I asked myself, "Why?"  What exactly has prompted me to loose self control?  Why chocolate chips?  Hmmm... there definitely is a pattern here. That's why you haven't heard from me for 2 weeks. I've been investigating the reason behind the chocolate chips. They sure are cute little bits of love, aren't they?

Logically, I know that sugar elicits a dopamine response in the brain. A feel good chemical. I also know that a chocolate craving is a nutritional cry for magnesium, a relaxing mineral. So, why do I need to feel good and relax? It's not like I have an extremely stressful life. However, the fight or flight response was definitely taking place, yet at a very subtle level.  It was occurring at the THOUGHT level. My thoughts were paranoid, uneasy, upsetting and generally just making me feel bad. As I thought of certain people and situations, my whole body would tense up. I tried over and over again to justify the thoughts, understand them and look at the situation and circumstances with 'rose colored' glasses. The fact of the matter is, the situation I've been in just didn't feel good and my thoughts were telling me so. I ignored the thoughts, which filtered down into my body and this body of mine was looking for alignment, hence the chocolate chips. The body always tells the truth. After a while the habitual process of feeling bad begins to feel normal. Without the external signs of these chocolate chips and the numbers on the scale moving up, I might have been able to go on operating at this new baseline removed from alignment from Source. I might have been able to justify that I really felt fine, when in fact I didn't.

You can tell from my posts of late that I've been in a learning opportunity. Well, finally, I've recognized that I've learned all I need to know about these people and the circumstances. I've learned that it's not so much about saying good-bye to them as it is being firm with the boundaries of my position. God has asked me to do one thing and one thing only, yet I let others add to my general job description. Initially, I felt good. I was 'helping' and making a difference. The initial feelings of fame and glory because of the approval of others wore off quickly and I was left feeling 'bad'. My perception shifted from alignment of ease to alignment with dis-ease. Why?  Because this was what the ego, the mind would have me do, not GOD.  I firmly believe that when Jesus went into the desert for 40 days, he was not grappling with the figure of the devil as much as he was grappling with the trappings of the mind. The figure of the devil is easy to identify. Although, it is just a thought form generated by the mind. The struggle was just as much internal as external. Would we subscribe to the opinions of others for approval, an external sign that we are in alignment, or would we subscribe to how we feel?

If someone or something feels bad in any way shape or form, the test is not to ignore it, justify it or force the perception to be rose colored, but to RECOGNIZE it, accept it, and RELEASE it. This means that you feel the 'badness', you accept that it is what it is and then you can choose to 'read the sign' from the Universe that you don't belong here and release it. You can look at the truth of the situation or person and decide how you want to play in this scene. You can do what I did and allow the mind to be the master of my existence and play along in the sickness until I lost myself. When one's boundaries are weak, when the lines seem fuzzy, it is easy to loose oneself. Or, you can see it/them for what they are or what it is and just choose not to step in the sh*t. My mind had me believing I was 'saving everyone' when in fact, all I can do is save myself.  That's all anyone can do. One could say, "Oh, Roberta! It's just your perspective that is wrong. Change your perspective and change your life." True, so true. That was me talking to myself. I tried that and guess what, it still didn't work. My compassion grew, my love and understanding grew and so did my affinity for chocolate chips!  It wasn't until I stepped away and disentagled myself was I able to view it all with compassion.  Again, a sign of where I need to be.

It's been months since I've experienced any kind of back pain and this week I felt it.  There it was, my old friend yelling at me to wake up and pay attention!  My boundaries had become fuzzy. I had taken on responsibilities that were not mine. All of a sudden, exercise took a back seat.  There wasn't enough time to make a good meal, so I grabbed what was available. There wasn't enough time to talk to my kids because I had an important phone call or email to answer.  The back pain, my old friend, was there to remind me how far off center I had come. 

A dear friend gave me a CD called "Getting into the Vortex".  The meditation, over and over again states that you are aligned with Source. It brought me back to myself. It showed me I was under the illusion of the mind and not led by the heart. The heart is the master and when the heart leads, it feels good. Life is filled with joy and unconditional love. When the mind leads, it can feel good initially, but becomes empty very quickly and the body seeks the 'feel good' in any way it can.  In my case - chocolate chips were the answer.

Now, I wonder... How many of us are sick, in pain or overweight because we are trying to do and be something we are not, all to appease the mind's empty promises of fame and fortune?  How many of us feel 'bad' because we are doing what others would have us do instead of what God would ask of us?  How many of us are looking for the feel good, the alignment, the love and finding it in all the wrong places? I love fame and fortune, but not at the expense of my health. You see, when you are in alignment with God's Will for you, you can have it all without the expense of anything. If there is expense, there is mis-alignment. 

Last night I raked leaves and pulled weeds in the light of the full moon and felt totally aligned with Source.  I felt REALLY GOOD.  There were no clever emails, strategies or designs. There was no occasion to dress up and be seen. There's no fame and fortune in weeds and leaves, but the feeling of alignment was worth more than all the money in the world. Peace, pure peace. And, I didn't eat one chocolate chip!

Be Real: Holy, Holey, Wholey

I remember taking a philosophy class in college and contemplating man's existence.  I remember a high school teacher making us read Jean Paul Sartre and studying Existentialism. I remember my dad living everyday as if it were his last.  We would joke that he did everything to get into Heaven.  Something you might attribute to  a Saint.  Today I am reading about the Saints and how we are all called to be one.

There has been this idea that being Holy is completely out of reach and only for a chosen few.  St. Ignatius has been teaching me that this is a misunderstood concept.  He teaches that to be Holy is to be Whole.  To practice Spirituality in the everyday moments of life.  In this way, you see God, or Divinity in all that you do.  You become One with the Universe. One with Creation. You are Whole.

Have you ever stopped to really read the lives of any of the Saints?  From a practical perspective, they were really messed up individuals!  Think about it.  There is St. Ignatius who was rich and gave up the cushy life to live simply.  How about Saint Joan of Arc, a teenager who led an army into battle because St. Catherine (who was already dead) told her to.  Saint Francis would be considered crazy because he spoke to animals.  With this track record, who would want to be called a Saint?  I think this is where it gets interesting.

Every Saint I've read about has had Holes in their Holiness and in their lives, which would lead one to believe they were not Whole at all.  Nothing about them makes any sense or gives one any indication of being a totally balanced individual.  In this way, we are all Saints.  We are all called to plug the Holes with God, yet because of our humanity, that is near impossible.  We are taught that Jesus and Buddha did it.  I'm sure there is a list of Masters that have done it.  And, then, there is us.  What if these Masters are Masters because they saw their own holes, their own humanity and made peace with it?

What if crazy is the criteria for Sainthood?  For salvation? We are spending so much time following the rules, the norms, the expectations of others... What if to be a Saint means doing what you want, what you think, saying it, living it and knowing it's God?

What if we are Holy because of our Holes?  Our humanity.  What if Whole means to be a Hole in which All of Creation fills you?  

Are you WHoley?

Be Real: Stop Holding On!

It just hit me today after a call with a friend. I've been holding on way to tight to a situation and letting the people and the circumstances define me.  My ego had fallen into the all important trap of being 'needed', of being 'important'.  Oh, it's so subtle how the infection spreads.  It's viral.

The small quiet voice of "This isn't right" kept coming up.  I felt uncomfortable and couldn't justify it.  I saw myself slipping into thought processes that were extremely negative.  The wake up call came when I stopped being in the place of observation and started taking things personally. The dis-ease of  the group consciousness had infiltrated.  Feelings of disappointment, disgust, anger, frustration and isolation were taking hold.  I was feeling victimized and judging another for their 'power trip'.  Now I see, I don't have to participate.  It's simple - just give it up and let it go.  I don't need to define myself this way. 

Those feelings are all SIGNS.  Are they my typically way of existing? No. In order for me to stay within integrity and honor my value system, it means saying good-bye to the less than honorable system I've been a part of.  If your intention is not in alignment with the intention of the leaders to which you follow, or group you are in, you may view them and their motives as 'bad'.  I recognize that my values do not match theirs and therefore it would be better to let it go so that I can allow Creation in.  It may mean saying good-bye to the institution itself, but that still remains to be seen.  For now, the delicate removal of entanglement with dis-ease has begun. 

For the past two days, I kept hearing, "Let it go."  But, being ever so slightly dense these past two weeks, I didn't get it.  Now I KNOW.  It's time for ME to let go, to stop holding on. What, you ask, am I letting go of?  I'm letting go of the head trip I've been in,  the definition of myself through a clouded, unhealthy, fearful projection of  peers; worry, anxiety, the perceived need to be a part of this group and drama.  Oh God, am I letting go of drama!  I'm letting go of depriving myself of the joy that is right in front of me.  Does any of this sound familiar to you?  When looking in the mirror, I almost didn't recognize myself.  The changes have been so subtle and delicate that it would be easy to let it all take hold.

When I check in with myself, I can see that this is not what I signed up for.  Although, it's been a great learning experience, it's time for me to honor the actual limits of my position and release what is not mine.  How often do we start to feel responsible for others?  We want the inside scoop to feel the power of the secrets we hold.  This incessant need to be needed, to be defined, to feel important - when all of those definitions keep us separate from joy.  As the process of disentanglement has begun and I can feel the cords of attachment slipping away.  I can feel the peace of my true self rising to the surface.

I read recently that, "You are not the Messiah. It's not your job to save anyone."  It's true.  People are going to do what they do and think what they think.  All I can do - any of us can do is be true to ourselves.  TRUST that it's all good and it will all work out. 

After letting go, I feel about 20lbs lighter.. Wonder if the scale will agree with me!

Be Real: Schooling...

I know the blog is titled Eat Real - be Real and I know most of the posts as of late have nothing to do with food that actually goes in our mouths. If you can't already tell, I'm definitely in a place of contemplation, addressing the spiritual nourishment of the human. Discerning what actually feeds my soul and what doesn't. Permit me this contemplative meditation...

The great spiritual teachers have said, "If you want to see how spiritually enlightened you are, visit your family!" I'd like to one up them - "If you want to see how spiritually enlightened you are, become part of the PTO at your kids school." PTO stands for parent teacher organization. When I was asked to join, I had no idea the 'schooling' I would get into the psyche of  group consciousness or the truth of who I really am. What a freaking, wild ride!

I've learned so many truths that have given me the opportunity to grow in compassion, practice neutrality or indifference, and become exceptionally clear about who I am and what my value system is.  I've learned to love without judgment and have grown in compassion because of it.  We all want the truth, right?  And the truth is, most of us can't handle the truth.  Cliche, I know.  Truth is not pretty and, it changes moment to moment.  Sometimes the truth is in the silence and sometimes the noise. Truth and honesty are often skewed by ones own perceptions.  And, depending on the mental and physical health of the individual, those perceptions can be unhealthy.  And, yet, as a cog in the wheel of an organization, one can feel as if they are dangling out there alone.  I know at times, I've felt that way. Do I follow popular opinion, blindly?  It sure would be the easy thing to do. Or, do I allow myself to really see the truth and honor my integrity? There are no victims and no reason to choose sides.

All I can do is decide what aligns with my value system and focus my attention on that.  Honoring my value system, my perspective and my truth means being in alignment with God.  Here's the kicker, the people who I don't agree with may also be honoring these exact same things!  Which means they are in total alignment with God also!  And, yet, how can that be?!  They are wrong and I am right. Right?  No. Again, to accept the wrong/right argument means slipping into unconsciousness.  There is no wrong or right.  There are no sides to choose. The only path to choose is being in alignment with my own value system.  My own integrity.  And, of course, to trust God to deliver the best and highest good.

If we feel the wrong/right scenario, it only means that the individuals in question are not in alignment with each other.  There is resistance.  Resistance has the potential to create problems.  Problems have the potential to create drama.  Drama has the potential to elicit emotional reactions instead of conscious response or a learning opportunity.  Ever hear the saying? "You can't find the solution at the level of the problem. You must rise above the problem in order to offer a solution."  Problems are perceptions of right/wrong, resistance is observation of non-aligned value systems.  So what is one to do?  The only answer I've found is to respond in a conscious state.  Avoid reaction.  And, in order to do this, one must be indifferent to the outcome.  One must be neutral.  This means, you are not seeking approval, inclusion, or acceptance.  You are not judging, but discerning with detachment.  You are really O.K. with the worst case scenario your beautiful ego can come up with and are able to dismiss that vision of fear easily.  You are without emotional attachment.  Tall order, huh?  This, my guess would be, is true Christ consciousness.  

Here is a quote from one of my favorite teachers:
Our Varied Behavior Adds to the Planet's Well-Being... When you remember that nothing can come into your experience without your Vibrational invitation of it, then you do the simple work of paying attention to your own Vibrational offering, and you save yourself the enormous and impossible task of controlling the behavior of others. When you remember that the varied behavior of others adds to the balance and the Well-Being of your planet even if they offer behavior that you do not approve of; and that you do not have to participate in the unwanted behavior, and will not - unless you give your attention to it - you become more willing to allow others to live as they choose. Abraham Hicks

We are all works in progress at different places on the scale of consciousness, if such a thing exists.  What have I learned in all of this?
1. You don't need approval from others to justify your own value system.  You may be the minority and that's ok.
2. Recognize your place in the 'play' and act humbly.  Be who you are as you are.
3. Constantly question and check in with your value system.  Does this feel right or is there a small, quiet thread of consciousness trying to peek through?  Question conformity in any form, whether it seems dignified or not.  Group consciousness has many forms.
4. When part of an organization, it is very easy to get swept up in the tide of popular mentality or the consciousness of the group. Choose carefully. Refer to #3.
5. Don't take things personally.  When you do, you are taking on the dis-ease of others and internalizing it as your own.
6. You can be JOYFUL at anytime regardless of people or circumstances.  So, do it!!
7. Sing really loud in the car. I like singing "On top of Spaghetti...".  Something about that meatball is so freeing. :)

And, as I leave you to begin breakfast for the kids, my father's words are speaking in my head..."Do what you want and screw the rest."  Eloquent, no.  Incredibly honest and simple, yes. 

Thank you PTO. Dare I say it, but I've found my voice. The voice of God. 

Be Real: In the Moment

As I was enjoying a 'snow day' with the kids and coloring with my 4 year old at the kitchen table, it came to me - how to be in the moment. 

I watched him become one with the crayon and put his whole heart and soul into coloring the picture on the page.  His only concern was coloring.  The child was not thinking about what has past or what was to come, he was completely immersed in the moment.  Occasionally, he told me we would switch pages and I would color with him.  I could be folding laundry, doing dishes, vacuuming, but no, I'm coloring.

Here I am, holding the crayon and actually staying inside the lines and something amazing happened.  I came into the moment.  Nothing behind me, nothing ahead of me, just right now.  It brought me to a Zen moment and the feeling that all really is O.K. 

It's been a month of letting go.  Watching people die, watching friendships end, watching institutions adjust.  Don't mean to sound depressing here, but in all honesty, it has been a bit too much at times.  As I watch all of this happen and pray for God to have me serve in the best way possible, it's come to me that maybe all I am to do is watch.  It seemed the more I push to help or pray for salvation, the more the Universe seems to push back.  The more I justify, try to understand or create explanations, the more I hurt.  So, in that moment of coloring, I decided to let it all go - to bless it all and release it to the Holy Spirit.  None of it is mine to fix or solve.  None of it is mine and yet I am a part of it. For what reason, has yet to be revealed, or perhaps I will never know.  Everything is as it should be.  It is in Divine Order.  Trust.

The test and yes, it has felt like a test, has been to continue to allow Unconditional Love to flow through me regardless of what I see, feel or hear without defense, without the need to participate or feel I have to disengage or separate from the people or the situations.  The challenge has been not to perceive any of it as a challenge, yet use it to gain clarity into what I choose for my life.  What I let in and what I let go. Just like choosing which page to color in the book, which color to choose for the picture and how much pressure to exert on the crayon - all of these experiences have been like coloring a picture.

Choosing involves letting go of what doesn't serve anymore.  Choosing involves moving towards what gives energy or and joy.  A deep 'let go' is happening.  Letting go of what is done and letting go of what is to come next.  The intentions is always for health, wealth, joy, peace and wisdom.  Whatever the next page looks like, I know that it will include each of those five qualities.

Trust that the picture will be a beautiful page to color and let go of what is done.

Be Real: Having All the Answers

It's become glaringly obvious to me as of late that we each hold the answers to all of our questions within ourselves. 

The only thing that seems to stop us from listening to the truth, we each hold within, is fear.  I've done a number of intuitive readings as of late and they don't fit the typical, "Here's what I see and what They have to tell you" format.  It's been more questions and guidance in allowing the client to reveal their own answers to themselves. 

For example, if you keep saying your frustrated, angry or upset in a certain situation, it probably means the situation is draining your rather than feeding you.  This doesn't mean giving up, it means changing perspective. Ask yourself - What do you have to gain in this relationship, What are the boundaries you set up around it, Does it bring you joy or Is it a means to an end, Do you have a savior complex, Do you want approval?  Detached discernment or on-judgment is all that is needed.  First, look at the facts, then, see how you feel and make a decision that is both logical and feeling based. Can you see the picture or the vision of the outcome? 

If you can still yourself for 15 minutes and pay attention to your body, you can feel almost immediately what situations feed you and what doesn't.  You might feel tense or tight, you may be ruminating over and over again in your head about whether you should or shouldn't do something.  So many of us have been conditioned to second guess ourselves, doubt our own intuitive nature or succumb to someone else's authority. What if you were the only authority?  What if what you thought was the right course of action?  What if you were the only one who saw the truth and everyone else around you was still in the grip of fear?  You can still trust yourself.  Check in with your body.  You don't have to know why you know what you know, you can just feel it and trust it.

I'm always amazed at my husband's ability to just make a decision.  He doesn't go round and round about anything.  He just says no or yes.  He doesn't explain himself either.  As his wife, this can be incredibly frustrating!  He doesn't get emotionally caught up in any decision or any action others take.  He only does what he wants and what feels right to him without the NEED to explain it to himself or others.  As I've grown to understand myself more over the past 3 years, I've come to see this is where we all aspire to be.  To be completely confident in who and what we are, without excuses. to be our TRUTH, our authentic self.  It really doesn't matter if we are dead wrong, the fact that we hold fast to our value system and stay within our integrity is all that does matter.  The Ten Commandments keep us honest - Thou shalt not steal, kill, etc...

Ever notice that people gravitate to the most confident person in the room?  That energy, that belief in oneself regardless of 'better judgment' is what we are attracted to.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to trust our better judgment without explaining it?  Wouldn't it be wonderful to just create a story, a stance, a perspective and stick to it?  Wouldn't it be wonderful to follow the feeling of joy rather than feeling we have to learn lessons the hard way?

We are, after all, the witness of our experience.  We do not have to define ourselves through how others see us, but how we choose to see ourselves.   Pay attention to what the Universe has to show you, where it leads you and the energy you feel within yourself. 

The signs are all around us, all the time!  Pay attention, watch and trust yourself.

Eat Real: Bee Pollen

Happy New Year!

You've read enough of my posts to know that my parents, particularly my dad, could be a little eccentric. One of his favorite hobbies was bee keeping. He had become obsessed with the art of keeping bees, making honey and all the other excitement that comes with keeping bees in the backyard. He actually believed, or perhaps he had proof, that a bee sting can help arthritis. I have no proof to corroborate his belief, but it worked for him. I grew up hearing that bee pollen was good for you, although we never ate it. I grew up hearing a lot about folk foods. Now, I have the chance to try them for myself and bee pollen has been at the top of the list. With the kids on break, we've had time to experiment. Yes, my family, my body - all of it is an experiment. We've tried bee propolis, raw honey and now pollen. (This is tame compared to what we've tried out!)

It can take one bee working eight hours a day for one month to gather 1 teaspoon of pollen pellets. This teaspoon contains over 2.5 billion grains of flower pollen full of micronutrients, trace elements, minerals and antioxidants. The pollen is for the young bees and is almost 40 percent protein. The pellets we humans eat, are actually crumbs that fall to the bottom of the tray in a hive. Almost half of its protein is in the form of free amino acids, which means easy assimilation at the cellular level. This highly available protein can contribute significantly to the body’s demand for protein.

Numerous studies have been done through out the years proving the clinical effectiveness of bee pollen in treating infection, cancer, cholesterol and longevity. Time after time, the control group who was taking the pollen ALWAYS improved!

A few benefits of bee pollen are:
Pollen is made up of  96 known nutrients.
It is a rich dietary source of zinc, calcium, magnesium and iron.
Provides increased intellectual capacity.
More amino acids than beef, eggs or cheese of equal weight.
Skin rejuvenation.
Weight regulation for your normal level. Bee pollen quickens metabolic responses. It accelerates thermogenesis (calorie-burning activity).

Here are a few notable quotes:
“Honeybee pollen is the richest source of vitamins found in Nature in a single food. Even if bee pollen had none of its other vital ingredients, it’s content of rutin alone would justify taking at least a teaspoon daily, if for no other reason than strengthening the capillaries. Pollen is extremely rich in rutin and may have the highest content of any source, plus it provides a high content of the nucleics RNA [ribonucleic acid] and DNA [deoxyribonucleic acid].” - Institute of Apiculture, Taranov, Russia

"Bee pollen contains an active anticancer element that has the power to slow the development of mammary tumors. Tumor growth increased in subjects in the control group not given it.” - Dr. William Robinson

“Bee pollen provides an increased resistance to infection. It is a giant germ killer in whose presence bacteria simply cannot exist.” - British scientist Dr. G.J. Binding

Many cultures around the world use bee pollen for extending life, increasing longevity, improving endurance,  intestinal strength and building new blood. There is continued research that indicates the effectiveness of bee food and, for that matter, all of nature's food as the best medicine available.

As of April, 2010 the world's bee population has declined steadily since 2006. The world needs pollinators to produce our human food supply. Without the bees, plants don't pollinate and food doesn't grow. The main culprit seems to be use of pesticides. The article that explains this reasoning in detail is located here.

The more in touch we become with nature, the closer we come to understanding the truth of our existence.