I watched him become one with the crayon and put his whole heart and soul into coloring the picture on the page. His only concern was coloring. The child was not thinking about what has past or what was to come, he was completely immersed in the moment. Occasionally, he told me we would switch pages and I would color with him. I could be folding laundry, doing dishes, vacuuming, but no, I'm coloring.
Here I am, holding the crayon and actually staying inside the lines and something amazing happened. I came into the moment. Nothing behind me, nothing ahead of me, just right now. It brought me to a Zen moment and the feeling that all really is O.K.
It's been a month of letting go. Watching people die, watching friendships end, watching institutions adjust. Don't mean to sound depressing here, but in all honesty, it has been a bit too much at times. As I watch all of this happen and pray for God to have me serve in the best way possible, it's come to me that maybe all I am to do is watch. It seemed the more I push to help or pray for salvation, the more the Universe seems to push back. The more I justify, try to understand or create explanations, the more I hurt. So, in that moment of coloring, I decided to let it all go - to bless it all and release it to the Holy Spirit. None of it is mine to fix or solve. None of it is mine and yet I am a part of it. For what reason, has yet to be revealed, or perhaps I will never know. Everything is as it should be. It is in Divine Order. Trust.
The test and yes, it has felt like a test, has been to continue to allow Unconditional Love to flow through me regardless of what I see, feel or hear without defense, without the need to participate or feel I have to disengage or separate from the people or the situations. The challenge has been not to perceive any of it as a challenge, yet use it to gain clarity into what I choose for my life. What I let in and what I let go. Just like choosing which page to color in the book, which color to choose for the picture and how much pressure to exert on the crayon - all of these experiences have been like coloring a picture.
Choosing involves letting go of what doesn't serve anymore. Choosing involves moving towards what gives energy or and joy. A deep 'let go' is happening. Letting go of what is done and letting go of what is to come next. The intentions is always for health, wealth, joy, peace and wisdom. Whatever the next page looks like, I know that it will include each of those five qualities.
Trust that the picture will be a beautiful page to color and let go of what is done.
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