This time of year has special significance to me. Today, July 10th is especially poignant. Today is my third son's birthday. It is when I decided, three years ago, to change my life for myself, by myself. The little one is 4 today. He slept in (almost unheard of) and spent a lazy day watching movies and going to Target. We made cupcakes, but he fell asleep!As I sat eating dinner alone (a special treat), some thoughts came to me... Three years ago, I was overweight, had high cholesterol, depression, my mother was sick with shingles in Connecticut and I was still nursing a baby. Three years ago, I heard a voice come up from deep within me and it rested in my head. I heard it as I was returning from a walk with the three kids during the hot summer of the South. Worried sick about my mom, hot from the weather, frustrated with life in general - it came through clear as a bell. The voice said, "If you can't take care of yourself, how will you take care of anyone else. You know what to do, just do it."
That day, my life changed. I actually died and was reborn. The Holy Spirit transformed me immediately. I did everything possible to learn how to help my mom from a far. I started eating huge salads everyday. I walked, ran and did jumping jacks every day. I moved as much as my body would let me (as much as it hurt). To my surprise, I started loosing weight and feeling better. Now, three years later, I see that the answers are simple. So simple, it's almost sickening... eat real food, not a lot, exercise, sleep and rely on God to help you as you help yourself.
It was common place to spend close to $7K every year in out of pocket health expenses, for my kids to be routinely sick, for me to be routinely depressed and negative, to not understand how crap seemed to keep happening or finding us. I was asleep, ignorant, and stuck in my own sh*t.
That girl, that woman just didn't know that God really existed. She didn't know that this body is a costume carrying a holy host. She didn't understand. She wanted to, but until that breaking point came - the day she could not call on her mom to fly down and bail her out because her mom was too sick - that day when she had to rely on herself and no one else with three little kids looking up to her - that day when she said "How can I do this, who will help me, how is it possible?" and the answers came loud and clear. They almost knocked her on her butt. That day (that run on sentence), she surrendered to God. She gave up and realized she couldn't do it alone and the only strength she had was what was in her and it was not her strength, but His. She died and a new woman was born.
You couldn't have told me any of this, I wouldn't have listened or I might have cried. In fact, I'd heard all of it my whole life and didn't listen. Many doctors, friends and family offered advice and support, but until that breaking point and I heard it from God - that voice within, did I take action. All those events were signs, messages to change. All the negativity, sickness and sadness were indications of being grossly disconnected from Source/God/Truth. I bless it all and thank the Universe for these lessons which propelled me in the direction of light instead of darkness.
Life is 'freaking awesome'! I had no idea it could be this much fun! Maybe I did, but had forgotten...
Listen to the voice within you. Seek your own answers. Trust your feelings. Decide for yourself. Follow guidance. You have all the power to change your life.
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